2 Kings 14

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Old Testament
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Amaziah iz topcat kynge uv Judah

1 In teh sekkund yeer that Jehoash wuz kynge uv Israel, Amaziah becaim kynge uv Judah.2 He wuz twenny-five yeer old when he becaim topcat an roold 29 yeers. Jehoaddin wuz hiz mamacat an she caim frum Jerusalem. Nao U knowz!3 He wuz guud an didz what Ceiling Cat wantz, just like Joash, hiz faddercat. Budd nawt like David had dunn.4 Teh exxtra sacerfice plaices werr nawt removd, so kittehs maid sacerfice ther and burrn insentz dere.

5 Whenn Azamiah can haz kyngship, he killxx teh bad kittehs hoo killd hiz fadder teh last kynge. Azamiah iz guud kyng-kitteh an not killxx teh sonz uv teh bad kittehs too.6 Moses-bibel sez "U doan killx sonz fur waht ther fadder-kittehs do, an U doan killz fadders fur wat ther son-kittehs doez. All diez fur ther oan sinz."

7 Amaziah armees went 2 teh Vallee uv Salt an killx 10,000 Edomites dere. He renaims teh town uv Sela az Joktheel, as U knowz it today. Tenn tousand iz bygg nummer, I thinks. I haz 18 toes on mai 4 pawz an dat's how farr I can count.

8 An den Azamiah senned lettr to Jehoash Kyng uv Israel sayeng "Ohai. Wanna fight? I fite U! Comm here an step acroxx a line in teh sand taht I draw. Kthxbai!"

9 Jehoash senz bak lettr saying "U are laik a littl prickly plant who sez to big cedar Lebanon tree 'Gimme yur dawter so mai sun can marri her.' But insted yu get trampld unner somewunz paw.10 Shur yu scratch up Edom real good, an yu R all puffd up abowt it. You can haz glori fur winnin that catfite, but stai hoam in ur own sleeping basket. Doan mess wit me, or yu fall-down-go-boom an taik Judah wit yu! srsly! KTHXBAI bak at yu!"

11 Azamiah, hee say "La la la, I kan't heer yu" so Jehoash, kynge uv Israel attaxx. Boath armees can haz fite at Beth Shemesh in Judah.12 Oh noes! Judah getz beat up, an all pwned Judah-kittehs scamperz hoam.13 Jehoash catchez up 2 Azamiah att Beth Shemesh an sez "Aha! gotz yu!" Tehn Jehoash goez 2 Jerusalem an busts up citee wallz frum Ephraim Gate 2 Corner Gait. Dat's sixx hunnerd feet uv wall.14 He taiks all goald an silber bling in teh Ceiling Cat templ, an all teh bling in teh pallas. Tehn he say "Bye Bye!" an goez hoam tu Samaria.

15 If yu wantz 2 knows mor abowt Jehoash an hiz othur adventurs, goez an luuks at teh Israel kynges bookz! Obviusly! Annywun wood know that!16 Jehoash diez an gets burried with teh othur kynges uv Isreal. Nex kynge = Jeroboam

17 Azamiah livvs anodder 15 yeers afteur teh deth of Jehoash.18 Therz anodder book fur teh storys of Azamiah an teh othur kynges uv Judah. We kan't incluud eberyting in teh Bibul. It wood B too longe.

19 Hiz deth wuz bluddy. Badkats in jerusalem plotz agaenst him an he runz awai 2 Lachish, butt tehy catch up tu himm an killxx him ther.20 Thei putz his boddee on a horsie an bringz itt bak to Jerusalem. Then tehy plunks teh boddee inna teh grownd long side hiz fadder-kats.

21 Nex topkat uv Judah wuz Azariah, sun uv Amaziah. He wuz sixxteen yeers old an had chust gott hiz drivr licens.22 Azariah put Elath bakk togedder an brung it bak to teh countree ov Judah.

Jeroboam teh sekkund iz kynge uv Israel

23 Jeroboam wuz sun uv Jehoash, kynge uv Israel. He becaime kynge in Samaria an rained fur fort-tee-wun yeerz. Phew, a long tyme.24 He maed invisible errorz, not follow roolz uv Ceiling Cat.25 Wun guud thing hee didz wuz to make Israel teh saim saize as beforr. Ceiling Cat callz Jonah sun ov Amittai, teh proffett frum Gath Hepher, on teh heven-phone an sayz "Tellz kynge Jeroboam 2 put back Israel teh way it wuz." An thatz wot append.

26 All teh kittehs uv Israel wuz mizzerybull an suffrin an stuffs. Ceiling Cat seez this happen. Same fur slaiv-cats an teh free-cats. Nobuddy wuz helps tehm.27 Ceiling Cat sayz "They iz in trubbles, an I no abannon tehm, so I getz Jeroboam ta helps tehm." An Ceiling Cat maid it so.

28 Jeroboam didz manni othur stuffs, like catfites wit othur tribez, an capchurin Hamath an Damascus. Find owt mor inn teh Israel kynge buuk at yer local lie-berry. Obvious!29 Wun day Jeroboam fal down ded! Nex topcat wuz hiz sun Zechariah.

2 Kings 14
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