2 Chronicles 10

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Old Testament

Ze Norturn Twibz Revotz

1 And Rehoboam goed to Shechem: cuz Shechem coodz be wair all Israels coem to make him teh king.2 And it caem to pass, wen Jeroboam teh sun of Nebat, who waz in Egypt, who waz of teh fwitened of teh King Solomon, herd teh newz, he camez back to Egypt.Srsly.3 And thems sent and callded him. So Jeroboam and all dem Israels caem and spaek to Rehoboam, sayin,4 Dy fadder maded our yoke greevis: now tharfor easy-make thou sumwat teh greevis servantitude of youz fadder, and hims heavy yoke dat he putted on we, and us will surv youz.5 And him sed to dem, Coem againz unto meh aftuh three dayz. And teh peepoles dehpardinated.

6 And king Rehoboam taked counsul wit teh old menz dat had stooded before Solomon hiz dadz wiel himz yet lived, sayin, Wat counsul giev ye mem to ritturnz anser to dis peepz?7 And dey sedded unto himz, sayin, If you can be of teh nice to deez peepz, and canz make dems happy, and canz tawk good woerds at themz, dey cans be thy servants foar EVARZ.8 But him sed teh counsul dat teh old men give him were bleh, and taked counsel wit teh yung menz dat weer brauted up wit himz, dat were in frunt of hims.9 And him saided to themz, Wat advise you can has so we cans answer to dems people, dey can spoked to me sayin, I can haz easier yoke cos ur favver was meen an put us into a heavy yoke?10 And teh young mens dat were brawted up wit himz spaked unto himz, sayin, Yu canz answering teh peeplz dat can spoked unto thee, sayin, Dy fadder maded demz yoke hevie, but youz makkin it sumwat lytr fur us; so yoo canz sayin to themz, Mah lil fingur canz be thikker den mah fadders loinz.11 For waireas mah fadder has putted a hevy yoke upon youz, ah willz put moar to ur yoke: mah fadder hurted youz wit wips, but I willz hurt youz wit bigger wips.Srsly. >:(

12 So Jeroboam and all demz peeplz caem to Rehoboam on teh turd dai, as teh king baded, sayin, Cum aghen to meh on teh tird day.13 And tek king ansurd demz ruffly; and king Rehoboam forsooked teh counsil of teh old menz,14 and ansurd demz after teh advicez teh yung menz gaved him, sayin, mah faddur maked ur yoke heavy, but ah can adding thereto: my faddur chastized youz wit wips, but ah canz castize youz wit scorpions >:(15 So teh king harkend not unto teh peeplz: foar it waz tehwill of Ceilincat teh Lawd dat teh wurdz which he waz of teh speekin to teh peepz. Dat iz wy he ignorededed teh peepz.

16 And wenz all Izreels sawed teh king no can haz harkend unto demz, teh peeplz ansurd teh king, sayin, wat porshun we can has in David? And we can has no inheritinsiz of teh sun of Jesse: evreh man to ur tentz, O Izreel: and nao, David, you canz go to ur hows. And den all Izreels goed to dair tentz.

17 But as foar teh chilrenz of Izreel dat dwelted in teh cityz of Judah, Rehoboam reigneded over demz.18 Den king Reoboam sented Hadoram dat wuz over teh tribyut; and teh chilrenz of Izreel stonded himz wid stoenz, and maked hims ded. But king Heroboam maded fast to get himz up to hiz chareeut, to run awayz to Jerusalem.19 And all Izreels no can haz happy wid David's hows til dis dai.

2 Chronicles 10
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