1 Samuel 8

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Old Testament
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Izrael Wantz Dem a King

1 Wen Samuel growd uld, he maek for hiz sunz be judgz of Izrael.2 Teh first one hiz sunz namz Joel n teh second calld Abijah n dey servz at Beersheba.3 But dey not to walk in the feetmarks of thar daddyz. they want instead for to get cheezburger. for to get cheezburger of others. for to get cheezburger wrong.

4 teh peoplez of Israel cum to Samuel n r like5 “d00d, ur liek rly old n ur sunz iz bad. Srsly. give kingz to us for to make us like teh uther peoplez.”

6 wen teh peoplez say “giv kingz for us” Samuel waz like “oh noes!” n sad he go to pray to Ceiling Cat.7 n Ceiling Cat say “srsly. listen ta wut dey sez. iz not u dey no liek. iz Ceiling Cat dey not want.8 Haz dun this seence Egypt. dey liek cheezburgr. liek uthers not Ceiling Cat. now dey wantz king. Srsly. not ur problm. iz me.9 give king but tell dem wut kingz gunna do to dem.”

10 n samuel taek Ceiling Cat’s wurdz n sez11 “thiz wut king do: king takes ur sunz n make dem to ride invisible bike in frunt of da king in battle, in frunt of hiz bike.12 he make dem to lead other peoplez into fight n for uthers to grow for him foodz n mor for maek swordz for to fightz.13 n king taeks ur doters n maeks dem to maek him cookie but dem not to eat it.14 taekz best foodz n landz for to give to hiz buddiez.15 he taekz bst evrythng. srsly.16 peoplez, teh cowz, teh donkeyz for hiz17 n sheepz n u too, btw.18 srsly. u will sez to Ceiling Cat 'S’no good! DO NOT WANT king!' n Ceiling Cat not do nothin. cuz u wntd teh king, lol."

19 but teh peoplez sez ta samuel, “srsly. stfu. DO WANT king.20 DO WANT for ta be like teh uthers. want king for to leed teh battelz.”21 samuel hearz teh peoplez. still not liek. he repeetz wut dey sez for Ceiling Cat.22 n Ceiling Cat sez: “srsly. give dem king alredy.” n samuel sez to da peoplez of Israel “go home. rly.”

1 Samuel 8
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