1 Samuel 5

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Old Testament
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Teh Ceiling Catz Holi Catbed Give Phil Itchibuttz

1 So den Phil takes Ceiling Catz Holi Catbed an givez it to Ashdod. It useta be in Ebeneezer but they puts it smoplace else cause Ebeneezur sounds st00pid.2 An then Phil is all liek, ware we gonna put dis thing so is all cozy for Ceiling Cat? Den dey rememberz dey gots all dis xtra room over in teh Dagonz hous. So dey puts it next to teh Dagon.3 Den Ashdod goes for teh mornin kibble and dey is all liek whoa! Teh Dagon falls down! Riet next to teh Ceiling Catz Holi Catbed! WTF? Sokay, they fixted Dagon.4 So den the next day when dey goes for teh moarnin kibble dey is all liek OMG! Teh Dagon falls down again!!!1! Srsly, WTF!!!?!??! An teh Dagonz hed an teh pawz is broked on teh draft blocker!!1!1 Whut we gonna do wif a hedless Dagon?!?5 Dats how come dey doesnt step on teh draft blocker in Dagonz howse, even if dey is bringin him cheezburgerz or sumthin else.

6 Teh Ceiling Cat puts his paw on teh kittehs in Ashdod and stepps down REAL HARD. PWND! An den he givz dem itchybutts. And fuds. Dat not sound so bad, but dere wuz too much fudz for kittehs to eatz dem all, and dey eated all the ppl fudz! An kibbles. An dere was this bunch o kittehs dat wuz liek We doesnt even live in Ashdod!!! Okeh, we goes shoppin dere an stuffs when we needz more kibbles, but we jus visitin!!! Srsly!!1! Dey gots itchybutts too.7 So teh kittehs in Ashdod gets tired of scritchin dere butts all teh tiem an sez Teh Holi Catbed of Izzys Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT!!!1! We gots itchybutts!!11! An hedless Dagon!!!!1!8 Den dey went and gots all teh boss lvl Phils and sez HALP! You is teh boss of us! Teh Holi Catbed of Izzys Ceiling Cat DO NOT WANT!!!! Srlsy. Teh boss lvl Phils sez to chill and stuff, and use Preperashun H, and gives Teh Holi Catbed of Izzys Ceiling Cat to Gath. An dey found a place in Gath where they can puts it an nobudy gonna trip on it.

9 When dey brung it to Gath, Ceiling Cat is liek Supprize! Pwnd!! U gets itchybutts AN teh itchy harbls! Rawr! lol10 Den tey sez Ekron can has teh Ceiling Catz Holi Catbed. Teh kittehs in Ekron sees teh Litterbox comin and sez NOOOOOO!! Dey brings teh Holi Catbed of Izzyz Ceiling Cat to pwn us! DO NOT WANT!!!1!!1one11 So dey goes an gets all teh boss lvl Phils and sez Give Izzy back the Ceiling Catz Holi Catbed so dey can puts it next to da fierplace or whatever. lol. An mebbe we dont get totally pwnd den. Cause dey was already bein pwnd cause Ceiling Cat puts da paw on them and steps down SRSLY HARD!!1!12 Lotsa kittehs gots pwnd to def, and ever1 else gets itchy buttz an harbls. Teh hole city yowls to teh ceiling! lol.

1 Samuel 5
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