1 Samuel 21
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
David and Teh Noobs of Nob
1 david went 2 nob, 2 ahimelech teh priest. Ahimelech trembld when he met him, an askd, "y r u alone? Y iz no wan wif u?"2 david anzwerd ahimelech teh priest, "teh king chargd me wif certain mattr an sed 2 me, no wan iz 2 knoe anythin bout ur mishun an ur instrucshuns. As 4 mah doodz, i has told them 2 meet me at certain place.3 nao den, wut do u has on hand? Gimie 5 loavez ov bread, or whatevr u can find."4 but teh priest anzwerd david, "i doan has any ordinary bread on hand; howevr, thar iz sum consecratd bread herâ€”providd teh doodz has kept themselvez frum women."5 david replid, "inded women has been kept frum us, as usual whenevr [a] i set out. Teh doodzs things [b] r holy even on mishuns dat r not holy. How mutch moar so todai!"
6 so teh priest gaev him teh consecratd bread, since thar wuz no bread thar except teh bread ov teh presence dat had been removd frum before teh lord an replacd by hawt bread on teh dai it wuz taken away.7 nao wan ov sauls servants wuz thar dat dai, detaind before teh lord; he wuz doeg teh edomite, sauls head sheferd.8 david askd ahimelech, "doan u has spear or sword her? I havent brought mah sword or any othr wepon, cuz teh kings busines wuz urgent."9 teh priest replid, "teh sword ov goliath teh filistine, whom u killd in da valley ov elah, iz her; it wrappd in cloth behind teh efod. If u wants it, taek it; thar iz no sword her but dat wan." David sed, "thar iz none liek it; giv it 2 me."
David At Gath
10 dat dai david fld frum saul an went 2 achish king ov gath.11 but teh servants ov achish sed 2 him, "isnt dis david, teh king ov teh land? Isnt he teh wan they sing bout in their dancez: " saul has slain his thousandz, An david his tens ov thousandz?"12 david took thees werdz 2 hart an wuz vry mutch afraid ov achish king ov gath.13 so he pretendd 2 be insane in their presence; an while he wuz in their hanz he actd liek madman, makin markz on teh doors ov teh gate an lettin saliva run down his beard.14 achish sed 2 his servants, "look at teh man! He iz insane! Y brin him 2 me? 15 iz i so short ov madmen dat u has 2 brin dis fellow her 2 carry on liek dis in frunt ov me? Must dis man come into mah houz?"
- a - 1 samuel 21:5 or frum us in da past few dais since
- b - 1 samuel 21:5 or bodiez
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