1 Samuel 20
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
David and Jonathan: A Tale of Two PWNZ0RS
1 den david fld frum naioth at ramah an went 2 jonathan an askd, "wut has i dun? Wut iz mah crime? How has i wrongd ur fathr, dat he iz tryin 2 taek mah life?"2 "nevr!" jonathan replid. "u r not goin 2 dye! Look, mah fathr doesnt do anythin, great or small, without confidin in me. Y wud he hide dis frum me? Iz not so!"3 but david took an oath an sed, "ur fathr knows vry well dat i has findz favor in ur eyez, an he has sed 2 him, jonathan must not knoe dis or he will be grievd. Yet as surely as teh lord livez an as u liv, thar iz only step tween me an death."4 jonathan sed 2 david, "whatevr u wants me 2 do, ill do 4 u."5 so david sed, "look, 2morrow iz teh new moon festival, an im supposd 2 dine wif teh king; but let me go an hide in da field til teh evenin ov teh dai aftr 2morrow.6 if ur fathr misez me at all, tell him, david earnestly askd mah permishun 2 hurreh 2 bethlehem, his hometown, cuz an annual sacrifice iz bean made thar 4 his whole clan.7 if he sez, vry well, den ur servant iz safe. But if he losez his tempr, u can be sure dat he iz determind 2 harm me.8 as 4 u, show kindnes 2 ur servant, 4 u has brought him into covenant wif u before teh lord. If im guilty, den kill me yourself! Y hand me ovar 2 ur fathr?"9 "nevr!" jonathan sed. "if i had teh least inklin dat mah fathr wuz determind 2 harm u, wouldnt i tell u?"10 david askd, "hoo will tell me if ur fathr anzwers u harshly?"11 "come," jonathan sed, "lets go out into teh field." so they went thar togethr.
12 den jonathan sed 2 david: "by teh lord, teh ceilin cat ov israel, im gonna surely sound out mah fathr by dis tiem teh dai aftr 2morrow! If he iz favorably disposd toward u, will i not send u werd an let u knoe?13 but if mah fathr iz inclind 2 harm u, cud teh lord deal wif me, be it evr so severely, if i no let u knoe an send u away safely. Cud teh lord be wif u as he has been wif mah fathr.14 but show me unfailin kindnes liek dat ov teh lord as long as i liv, so dat i cud not be killd,15 an do not evr cut off ur kindnes frum mah ppl not even when teh lord has cut off evry wan ov davidz enemiez frum teh face ov teh earth."16 so jonathan made covenant wif teh houz ov david, sayin, "cud teh lord call davidz enemiez 2 akownt."17 an jonathan had david reaffirm his oath out ov luv 4 him, cuz he lovd him as he lovd him.18 den jonathan sed 2 david: "2morrow iz teh new moon festival. U will be misd, cuz ur seat will be empty.19 teh dai aftr 2morrow, toward evenin, go 2 teh place wer u hid when dis trouble began, an wait by teh stone ezel.20 im gonna shoot 3 arrows 2 teh side ov it, as though i wuz shootin at target.21 den im gonna send boi an say, go, find teh arrows. If i say 2 him, look, teh arrows r on dis side ov u; brin them her, den come, cuz, as surely as teh lord livez, u r safe; thar iz no dangr.22 but if i say 2 teh boi, look, teh arrows r beyond u, den u must go, cuz teh lord has sent u away.23 an bout teh mattr u an i discusdâ€”remembr, teh lord iz witnes tween u an me forevr."
24 so david hid in da field, an when teh new moon festival came, teh king sat down 2 eat.25 he sat in his customary place by teh wall, opposiet jonathan, [a] an abnr sat next 2 saul, but davidz place wuz empty.26 saul sed nothin dat dai, 4 he thot, "somethin must has happend 2 david 2 mak him ceremonially uncleanâ€”surely he iz unclean."27 but teh next dai, teh second dai ov teh month, davidz place wuz empty again. Den saul sed 2 his son jonathan, "y hasnt teh son ov jese come 2 teh meal, eithr yesturdai or todai?"28 jonathan anzwerd, "david earnestly askd me 4 permishun 2 go 2 bethlehem.29 he sed, let me go, cuz r pplz iz observin sacrifice in da town an mah brothr has orderd me 2 be thar. If i has findz favor in ur eyez, let me git away 2 c mah brothers. Dat iz y he has not come 2 teh kings table."30 sauls angr flard up at jonathan an he sed 2 him, "u son ov perverse an rebellious woman! Doan i knoe dat u has sidd wif teh son ov jese 2 ur own shame an 2 teh shame ov teh mommy hoo bore u?31 as long as teh son ov jese livez on dis earth, neithr u nor ur kingdom will be establishd. Nao send an brin him 2 me, 4 he must dye!"32 "y shud he be put 2 death? Wut has he dun?" jonathan askd his fathr.33 but saul hurld his spear at him 2 kill him. Den jonathan knew dat his fathr intendd 2 kill david.34 jonathan got up frum teh table in fierce angr; on dat second dai ov teh month he did not eat, cuz he wuz grievd at his fathers shameful treatment ov david.
35 in da mornin jonathan went out 2 teh field 4 his meetin wif david. He had small boi wif him,36 an he sed 2 teh boi, "run an find teh arrows i shoot." as teh boi ran, he shot an arrow beyond him.37 when teh boi came 2 teh place wer jonathanz arrow had fallen, jonathan calld out aftr him, "isnt teh arrow beyond u?"38 den he shoutd, "hurreh! Go quickly! Doan stop!" teh boi pickd up teh arrow an returnd 2 his mastah.39 (teh boi knew nothin ov all dis; only jonathan an david knew.)40 den jonathan gaev his weapons 2 teh boi an sed, "go, carry them bak 2 town."41 aftr teh boi had gone, david got up frum teh south side ov teh stone an bowd down before jonathan 3 tiems, wif his face 2 teh ground. Den they kisd each othr an wept togethrâ€”but david wept teh most.42 jonathan sed 2 david, "go in peace, 4 we has sworn friendship wif each othr in da naym ov teh lord, sayin, teh lord iz witnes tween u an me, an tween ur descendants an mah descendants forevr. " den david left, an jonathan went bak 2 teh town.
- a - 1 samuel 20:25 septuagint; hebrew wall. Jonathan arose
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