1 Samuel 18

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1 Affer david stop talk wif saul, Johnathan said iluvu to david.2 Affer dat, saul keepz david as pet, and sez, "no go bak to yr dadz."3 'N den Johnathan promitz to luv david for moar dan hiz cookie.4 So den he getz nekkid foar david, I tink cuz david no has cloves or jus lyk nekkid Johnathan, wutevar.

5 saul do tinks foar david, cuz david ask. saul getz lyk ten gold starz. Lolcatz reejoyz.

6 So den next david make no move dis bad guy, n all teh girl ppls cum out they howse n all teh subarbz n stuff to say, "yay saul! Kthxbai." N they move all weird n make a lotta noise wiff shakey tinks and mouf blow tinks n go, "la la la!"7 But they wurdz no, "la la la." They wurdz go: "saul make ded lots, n david moar lots."

8 saul get green lyk catznip n sez "Hei! david kill moar den me! Now him wantz be all "boss cat is boss"?9 N howse arrest no inventerd yet so saul jus watchez him moar.

10 So nex suntime mean bad notinks dere cum frum Ceiling Cat to howse ov saul. saul talk a lot n david play erlee Leggenz of Rawk gaym, lyk he alwayz play. saul had sharp pokey stik.11 saul frowed sharp stik at david, all, "Ahmonnagitchuu!" like dat. It crazy. I hid unner sofa, n david did too.

12 saul skeerd of david cuz Ceiling Cat lyk david n no lyk saul no moar.13 So saul say go away, here some army menz, kthxbai.14 N david ernd moar gold starz n Ceiling Cat play too. Ceiling Cat lyk army menz.15 N saul go, "whoa, he gud." n got skeerd moar.16 All da Lolcatz lyk david. He giv gud mushy fud.

17 N saul say to david, here my oldes kitteh, Marab, u take her for bedtimez n kill moar ppl foar Ceiling Cat?" N he tinks other ppl den kill david, dunno y.18 N david, he dum, he sez, "No i has no muniez to buy nice mushy fud, u king (lyk da lion).19 So saul give Marab to sum udder guy, kthxbai.

20 N den saul heer dat Michal lyk david n he's happi.21 So saul go hmmmmm, i use my kitteh Michal to trap him gid. Muahahaha. So saul say, "david, this chans too, u b my kitteh n lawz?22 N saul has his associates infoarm david of his missin bukkit n dat he cn b kitteh n lawz.23 But david say no, i emo, no one lyk me.24 n teh associates say dis to saul,25 N saul say "tell him i like him if h brinks me mah bukkit. Or summat weeird lyk dat. Mebbe a lotta pen0rz skinz? dat funneh! he tink david die tryin.

26 so david say kthxbi n rly fast27 he b lyk Chuk Norriz n killz a lotta ppl n bring teh Lion a hunned pen0rz skinz inna bukkit, wif a ribbon ty to it. saul say, not mah bukkit, but teh pen0rz skinz funneh, u has mah kitteh Michal.

28 saul gotz rel skeerd cuz Ceiling Cat halp david get pen0rz skinz, n dat his kitteh luv teh new kitteh n lawz,29 so he skeerd foarevar.

30 N david got moar gold starz den everyboddy, n lolcatz rejoice.

1 Samuel 18
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