1 Samuel 1

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Old Testament
Elkanah can has too wifes

1 man wuz in teh hillz that look liek b00biez. him wuz Elkanah.2 him has too wifes call Hannah an Penina. Penina can has kittehs, but Hannah no can has kittehs.

3 man gowai to shiloh to respect teh Ceiling Cat.4 Elkanah maek cookies for Ceiling Cat and Penina and Peninas kittehs.5 an maek moar cookies for Hannah coz Ceiling Cat maed her no can has kittehs.6 Penina pwnz Hannah. Hannah r pwnz0rd.7 same nex year an nex year.

Hannah talk to Ceiling Cat

8 Elkanah sez: Hannah, y r u pwnz0rd? y u no eat n'stuff? u no can has kittehs, but u can has me. i r srs huzband.9 Hannah gowai to priest (him Eli) in Ceiling Cat's house.10 Hannah sez: hai Ceiling Cat!11 plz to give me kittehs, u can has dem laterz, k?

12 Eli see Hannah talkin to Ceiling Cat13 an finks Hannah can has invisible b00ze14 an pwnz0rs Hannah.

15 Hannah sez: DO NOT WANT! i r talk to Ceiling Cat!16 ai r sad. srsly.

17 Eli sez: Ceiling Cat can help u.18 Hannah gowai to Elkanah's base.

19 Elkanah and Hannah PENIS GOES WHERE? Ceiling Cat is watching dem.20 Hannah can has kitteh call Samuel, cuz i ask fur cheezburger and all ai get is stupid tshirt.

Hannah give Ceiling Cat shiney gif for hims

21 Elkanah sez: ai go now to Ceiling Cat to gives hims shiney birfday gif.22 an Hannah sez-NOES! I HAF MORE PRESHIOUS GIF FOR HIM!!! (lol) I GIV HIM MAI KITTEH SAMUEL!!!

23 Elkanah is liek w/e so so Hannah stays wif kitteh til he no want no more milks24 wen he iz dun in her teatz, suckling her milks she say: OH HAI down der kitteh come with me an bring sum b00ze n stuff we r crashing at shiloh for bit25 then they killed bull for sum reasons26 an Hannah sez: hai to Ceiling Cat lol?

27 ...................................................OH HAI TO U!!!28 Hannah sez: "my kitteh...Ceiling Cat gots it!" an him gaev Ceiling Cat lots of milk n stuffs.

1 Samuel 1
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