1 Kings 15
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Abijam Rulez in Judah
1 In teh eighteenth yar uv King Jeroboam teh son uv Nebat, Abijam becaem king uv Judah.2 Him ruld tree yars in Jerusalem. Him mommeh's naem wuz Maachah teh granddaughtr uv Abishalom.3 An him wuz just as ebil as him daddeh; him wuz not peeps wif Ceiling Cat liek him daddeh David wuz.4 But fer David's saek Celing Cat gaev him a lamp in Jerusalem, by setting up him son after him and by maeking Jerusalem;5 becaus David did wat wuz rite in teh eyez uv Ceiling Cat except fer when him had Uriah teh Hittite pwnd to get to him wief.6 An der wuz war between Judah and Israel all teh daiz uv him lief.7 Nao teh rest uv teh actz uv Abijam, and all him did, iz wroted in teh buk uv teh chroniclez uv teh kingz uv Judah. And all teh war in him daiz tew.
8 So Abijam slept wif him daddehs, and dey bureed him in teh Citeh uv David. Den him son Asa tuk him plaec.
Asa Rulez in Judah
9 In teh twentieth yar uv Jeroboam teh king uv Israel, Asa becaem king uv Judah.10 And him ruld forty-oen yars in Jerusalem. Him grandmommeh's naem wuz Maachah teh granddaughter uv Abishalom.11 Asa did wut wuz rite in teh eyez uv Ceiling Cat, liek him daddeh David.12 And him maed teh pervertz uv teh land go awai, and tuk out all teh idulz him daddeh maed.13 Also him removd Maachah him grandmommeh frum being queen mommeh becaue her maed a dirteh imaeg uv Asherah. And him cut down her dirteh imaeg an burnd it by teh Brook Kidron.14 But teh hi plaecs were not remoevd. But Asa's hart wuz loyal to Ceiling Cat all him daiz.15 Him also brot into teh hous uv Ceiling Cat teh tingz dat him daddeh had dedicatd, and teh tingz dat him hisself had dedicatd: silvr and gold and utensilz.
16 Nao dere wuz war between Asa and Bassha king uv Israel all der dayz.17 An Baasha king uv Israel caem up aganst Judah, and bilt Ramah, dat him mite let anyone in or out to Asa teh king uv Judah.18 Den Asa tuk all teh silver an gold dat wuz left in teh treashuriez uv teh king'z houes, an had him servantz taek it awai. An King Asa sent dem to Ben-Hadad teh son uv Tabrimmon, teh son uv Hezion, king uv Syria, who livd in Dmascus, and sed,19 "Oh hai. We can haz treatiez between yu an meh, liek our daddehz did, kthnx? See, I haev sen presentz of silvr an gold so yu can has bling-bling. Coem an braek yur treatee wif Baasha teh king uv Israel, so him will go awai frum me."
20 So Ben-Hadad did liek Asa askd, an sent teh captainz uv him armiez aganst teh citehs uv Israel. Him attackd Ijon, Dan, Abel Beth Maachah, an all Chinneroth, wif all teh land of Naphtali.21 Nao it happned, wen Bassha herd it, dat him stopped bildin Ramah, an remaind in Tirzah.
22 Den King Asa maed a proclaimachun thruout all Judah; none waz expemtd. An dey tuk all teh stoenz an timbr uv Ramah, wich Baasha had used fer bilding; and wif dem King Asah bilt Geba of Benjamin, and Mizpah.
23 Teh rest uv teh acts uv Asa, all him mite, all dat him did, an teh citehs wich him bilt, dey can be written in teh buk uv teh chronicelz uv teh kingz uv Judah? Kthnx. But in teh tiem uv him old age him had fut problemz. Srsly.24 So Asa maed sleep wif him daddehs, an wuz bureed wif him daddehz in teh Citeh uv David him daddeh. Den Jehoshaphat him son tuk him plaec.
Nadab Reignz in Israel
25 Nao Nadab teh son uv Jeroboam becaem king oveh Israel in teh second yar uv Asa king uv Judah, an him ruld oveh Israel two yars.26 An him did ebil in teh site uv Ceiling Cat, an walked in teh wai uv him daddeh, an in him invisible errorz bai wich him maed Israel commit invisible errorz.
27 Den Baasha, teh son uv Ahijah, uv teh houes uv Issachar, maed planz aganst him. An Baasha pwnd him at Gibbethon, wich belongd to teh Philistines, while Nadab an all Israel layd siege to Gibbethon.28 Baasha pwnd him in teh tird yar uv Asa king uv Judah, an rueld in him plaec.29 An it waz so, wen him becaem king, dat him killd all teh houes uv Jeroboam. He did not leaev to Jeroboam anyone dat tuk breathz, til him had pwnd him, accordin to teh werd uv Ceiling Cat wich Him had sed bai Him servant Ahijah teh Shilonite,30 becaues uv teh invisible errorz uv Jeroboam, wich him had maed invisible errorz an bai wich him maed Israel commit invisible errorz, becaues uv him pissing Ceiling Cat uv Israel off.
31 Nao teh rest uv teh acts uv Nadab, an all dat him did, dey can be ritten in teh buk uv teh chroniclez uv teh kingz uv Israel? Kthnx.32 And dere wuz war between Asa an Baasha king uv Israel all dere dayz.
Baasha Ruelz in Israel
33 In teh tird yar uv Asa king uv Judah, Baasha teh son uv Ahijah becaem king oveh all uv Israel in Tirzah, an rueld twenty-four yars.34 Him did ebil in teh site uv Ceiling Cat, an walkd in teh wai uv Jeroboam, and in him invisible errorz bai wich him maed Israel commit invisible errorz.
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