1 Corinthians 15

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Jesus died for u n den he comed bak

1 OK, remembr what I told u befor about Jesus, itz importnt.2 If u follo what I tolded u, u wil be saevd. Othrwaiz itz no use.

3 Dis iz teh moast importnt thing: Jesus died becz of our Invisible Errors (liek it wuz fortolded in teh Bible),4 he wuz burieded an caem bak to lief on teh thrd dai (liek it wuz fortolded in teh Bible).5 Peter seed him an so did his twelv followrz.6 An after dat fiev hundrid peeplz seed him. Sum iz evn stil aliev.7 Jamez seed him too,8 an I wuz last, liek teh redhedded stepchield LOL.

9 I iz teh leest importnt of Jesuss followrz. I duzint evn dizurv to be wun, bcz I wuz meen to Ceiling Cat's church.10 But Ceiling Cat wuz niec to me. I iz what I iz. I wrkd rilli hard, hardr dan ennibodi, but rilli all teh credit goez to Ceiling Cat.11 So no mattr who sez it, dis iz what we tellz evribodi, and dis iz what u beleevded.

Teh dead peeplz iz comin bak

12 So u knowz Jesus comd bak from teh dead. So how comz sum of u saiz dat no wun cumz bak from teh ded? Dat iz a contradikshn LOL.13 If no wun comz bak from teh dead, Jesus didint com bak eithr.14 An if Jesus didint com bak from teh ded, what we tellz evribodi is useliss an what u beleev is useless too.15 Plus it maeks us liarz.16 If no wun comz bak from teh dead, Jesus didint com bak eithr.17 An if Jesus didint com bak from teh dead, what u beleev duzint maek enni differns an u iz stil stuk wif ur Invisible Errors.18 An dat meenz evribodi who beleevz in Jesus is losted.19 Which wud maek us pretti pathetek wudnt it.

20 But Jesus rilli did com bak from teh ded. He wuz teh frst wun.21 Deth comd bcz of a man (thatz Adam k) an now victri ovr deth comz bcz of a man (thatz Jesus k).22 Evribodi diez bcz of Adam, but now evribodi can be aliev bcz of Jesus.23 U haz to taek turnz tho. Jesus frst, den dose who bilongz to him. Datz u k.24 Den teh end wil com, when Ceiling Cat haz destroid evribodi elsiz powr, kingz n evribodi, n Jesus givz him teh wurld.25 Jesus wil be in charj until he haz beatnd all his enemiz.26 An teh last enemi to be destroid will be deth.27 Teh book sez Jesus "haz putted evrithing undr hiz pawz." (Evrithin duzint inclood Ceiling Cat k)28 Aftr all dat iz dun, Jesus wil turn evrithin ovr to Ceiling Cat.

29 OK suppoez no wun can com bak from teh ded. In dat caes what iz teh uze of givn peepl teh baff to taekz awai dere sinz?30 An what iz we gettin ourselvz in trubbl for?31 i die evri dai - srsly - saem as I iz happi about u bcz of Jesus.32 If I fieted wif lionz jus to sho off, what good iz dat enniwai? If teh dead iz not comin bak,
 "Letz eat cookies n drink milkz,
  bcz we die tomorro enniwai."
33 U know what dey sai, "If u lie down wif dogz, u get up wif fleez."34 Bihaev urselfz an get bak to wrk. Lotz of peeplz duzint evn no about Ceiling Cat u know.

What ur bodi will be liek when u comz back from teh dead

35 Sum peeplz ask "When we com bak from teh ded will we be liek OMG zombiz or whut?"36 Datz jus silli.37 When u iz plantin stuffz, u plantz teh seedz, u duz not plant teh plantz LOL.38 God maekz it gro into teh kiend of plant it needz to be.39 Evri bodi iz differnt. (I iz not jus sayin evribodi is different LOL, I meen teh akchl bodi.) Catz haz wun kiend of bodi, dogz haz a differnt wun, birdz haz a different wun, fish haz a differnt wun, u gets teh idea.40 Saem wai, dere iz regyulr bodiz an dere is hevnli bodiz. Liek Jenna Jameson LOL.41 Teh sun iz shini, teh moon iz shini in a differnt wai, an teh starz is shini too.

42 Saem wai when teh ded comz bak.43 Ur old bodi iz probli not all dat graet honnstli. But teh new wun wil be bettr. Teh old wun wuz weak, but teh new wun kickz ass.44 It startid out az a regyulr bodi, now itz a spirichl bodi.
45 Teh Bible sez "Teh first man, Adam, becomd a livin bein." Teh last Adam iz a spirit who givz lief. I meanz Jesus if u cant tel.46 Teh naturl caem first, den teh spirichl.47 Teh first man wuz maed of drt; teh secnd caem from teh Ceiling.48 Peepl frm urth ar liek teh liek teh first d00d, peepl from teh Ceiling ar liek teh secnd d00d.49 Riet now we iz liek teh frst d00d. When we comz bak from teh dead we wil be liek teh second d00d tho.

50 Regyulr bodiz cant go to teh Ceiling. Dey iz liek milk, dey duzint keep.51 But I wil tel u a sekrit. When we die we woant jus lie dere, we wil be chaenjd,52 when teh anjl Gabriowl plays teh trumpet an we getz up again.53 We wil put on a new bodi liek puttin on new clothz.54 When dat happnz diz sayin wil com tru:
 "Deth u lose LOL."
55  "Haha deth I pwnded u.
  U iz not doin no damaj now huh."
56 Teh damaj dat deth duz iz teh Invizible Error. An teh powr of sin iz teh law. (Teh old law, in teh Old Testamint.)57 But Ceiling Cat givz us victri thru Jesus, thank u Ceiling Cat.

58 So doant worri an doant let ennithin discurij u. Wrk hard for Ceiling Cat, bcz u knowz u iz doin sum good.

1 Corinthians 15
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