1 Chronicles 9

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Old Testament

1 Dey figgured owt Isreel wit genieawlgies an putted dem in da book of kings of Isreel an Judah was taked prismer. Dey taked Judah to baablon for missing teh litter box.

2 Naow da kittehs dere first wuz Isreel, da preests, levites an nethinim.

3 In joosalem was kittehs of Judah an Benji an Emfram an Mamnasee;

4 Uthai, boy-kitteh of Amihood, teh boy-kitteh of Omri, teh boy-kitteh of Imri, teh boy-kitteh Bani, of teh kittehs of Perez who was teh boy-kitteh of Judah.

5 An tehn, of teh Shillonights: I-say-uh teh oldest kitteh, an his boy-kittehs.

6 An tehn, of teh boy-kittehs of Zerah: Jewel, an der six hundred ninety littermates.

7 An tehn, of teh boy-kittehs of Benjamin: Sallu teh boy-kitteh of Meshullam, teh boy-kitteh of Hodaviah, teh boy-kitteh of Hassenuah,

8 an tehn, Ibneiah teh boy-kitteh of Jeroham, an Elah teh boy-kitteh of Uzzi, teh boy-kitteh of Michri, an Meshullam teh boy-kitteh of Shephatiah, teh boy-kitteh of Reuel, teh boy-kitteh of Ibnijah;

9 an der nine hundred fifty-six brudders an sisters, by what litter dey came from. All teh kittehs wuz teh leaders of der daddies packs.

10 Plus, of teh preests: Jedaiah, an Jehoiarib, Jachin,

11 an tehn Azariah teh boy-kitteh of Hilkiah, teh boy-kitteh of Meshullam, teh boy-kitteh of Zadok, teh boy-kitteh of Meraioth, teh boy-kitteh of Ahitub, teh President of teh house of Ceiling Cat;

12 an tehn Adaiah teh boy-kitteh of Jeroham, teh boy-kitteh of Pashhur, teh boy-kitteh of Malchijah, an Maasai teh boy-kitteh of Adiel, teh boy-kitteh of Jahzerah, teh boy-kitteh of Meshullam, teh boy-kitteh of Meshillemith, teh boy-kitteh of Immer;

13 an tehn der one thousand seven hundred sixty brudders an sisters, teh leaders of der daddies packs; xtra good kittehs for doing Ceiling Cat biznis.

14 An tehn of teh Levites: Shemaiah teh boy-kitteh of Hasshub, teh boy-kitteh of Azrikam, teh boy-kitteh of Hashabiah, of teh boy-kittehs of Merari;

15 an tehn Bakbakkar, Heresh, an Galal, an tehn Mattaniah teh boy-kitteh of Mica, teh boy-kitteh of Zichri, teh boy-kitteh of Asaph,

16 an tehn Obadiah teh boy-kitteh of Shemaiah, teh boy-kitteh of Galal, teh boy-kitteh of Jeduthun, an Berechiah teh boy-kitteh of Asa, teh boy-kitteh of Elkanah, who lurked in teh cat farms of teh Netophathites.

17 An tehn teh ones who carried stuff: Shallum (who carried teh cheezburgers), an Akkub, an Talmon, an Ahiman, an ther brudders an sisturs,

18 an dey hanged owt on teh east side of teh big cat door, cuz dey carried stuffs for Levi's kittehs.

19 An tehn Shallum teh boy-kitteh of Kore, teh boy-kitteh of Ebiasaph, teh boy-kitteh of Korah, an his brudders an sisters, of his daddies house, teh Korahites, were in charge or bringing teh cheezburgers an stuff, an dey garded teh hole in teh sheets: an der daddies wuz in charge of who got to go under teh sheets in teh camp of Jehovah.

20 An teh other day, Phinehas teh boy-kitteh of Eleazar was teh awesumest, an Jehovah was his BFF.

21 Zechariah teh boy-kitteh of Meshelemiah bringded teh stuff for teh party.

22 There was tons of kittehs that had to bring stuff to teh party; somebody counted two hundred twelve. Dey got counted from teh papers, an David an Samuel teh psychic kitteh said it was okay fur dem to bring stuff cuz dey wur gud kittehs.

23 So dose kittehs an der little kittens were in charge of Jehovah's cat door, an even teh openings in teh tent fort.

24 An tehn teh Itty Bitteh Kitteh Committeh For Carrying Cheezburgers And Stuff had teh place surrounded.

25 An der brudders an sisters an mommies an daddies came to visit dem every week:

26 cuz teh four bestest kittehs on teh Committeh were Levites, an nobody suspected a thing an dey got to go in teh bedroom an in teh kitchen an teh pantry at Ceiling Cat's house.

27 An tehn dey scratched at teh windose of Ceiling Cat's house an sat on teh mat in front of teh cat door, cuz der job wuz to inspect teh kittehs an goggies dat go in an owt evry day.

28 An tehn sum of dem wuz in charge of teh cheezburger boxes; an kittehs watched teh cheezburger boxes go back an forth thru teh cat door.

29 An tehn sum kittehs wuz in charge of teh scratching posts an teh kitteh beds, an some wuz in charge of all teh dishes for teh fuds, an teh milk an teh catnip an stuff.

30 An tehn sum of teh boy-kittehs of teh preests maekded buckets of catnip sauce.

31 An tehn teh Levite kitteh Mattithiah, who wuz Shallum teh Korahite's oldest kitteh, wuz in charge of stuff baked in pans, like meatloaf.

32 An tehn some of teh Kohathite kittehs wuz in charge of making teh cheezburger buns evry Caturday.

33 An tehn dese are teh singers, teh best Levite kittehs in der daddies houses, an dey just sat around an cried for pets all day cuz dey didn't have jobs.

34 FYI: dese are teh best Levite kittehs in der daddies houses from every litter, teh bestest kittehs: dey stayeded at Jerusalem.

35 An tehn in Gibeon wuz teh daddy of Gibeon, Jeiel, wif his lady-cat Maacah:

36 an tehn his first boy-kitteh Abdon, an more peeps: Zur, an Kish, an Baal, an Ner, an Nadab,

37 an tehn Gedor, an Ahio, an Zechariah, oh, an Mikloth too.

38 An tehn Mikloth maeded Shimeam. An plus, tehn dey sleeped in Jerusalem wif der brudders an sisturs, snuggled up wif other brudders an sisturs.

39 An tehn Ner maded Kish; an Kish maded Saul; an Saul maded Jonathan, an Malchishua, an, um, Abinadab and Eshbaal, IIRC.

40 An tehn teh boy-kitteh of Jonathan wuz Merib-baal; an Merib-baal maeded Micah.

41 An Micah's Itty Bitty Boy-Kitteh Committeh: Pithon, an Melech, an Tahrea, an Ahaz.

42 An tehn Ahaz maeded Jarah; an Jarah maeded Alemeth, an Azmaveth, an Zimri; an Zimri maeded Moza;

43 an tehn Moza maeded Binea; an Rephaiah his boy-kitteh, Eleasah his boy-kitteh, Azel his boy-kitteh.

44 An Azel maeded a six-member Itty Bitty Boy-Kitteh Committeh: Azrikam, Bocheru, and Ishmael, oh, an Sheariah, an Obadiah, an, um, uh...Hanan: dese wur teh sons of Azel.

1 Chronicles 9
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