1 Chronicles 9
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 Dey figered out Isreel wit genieawlgies and putted dem in da book kings of Isreel and Judah was taked prismer. Dey taked Judah to baablon for been wet.
2 Naow da kittehs dere first wuz Isreel, da preests, levites and nethinim.
3 In joosalem was kittehs of Judah and Benji and Emfram and Mamnasee;
4 Uthai, boy-kitteh of Amihood, teh boy-kitteh of Omri, teh boy-kitteh of Imri, teh boy-kitteh Bani, of teh kittehs of Perez who was teh boy-kitteh of Judah.
5 And then, of teh Shillonights: I-say-uh teh oldest kitteh, and his boy-kittehs.
6 And then, of teh boy-kittehs of Zerah: Jewel, and der six hundred ninety littermates.
7 And then, of teh boy-kittehs of Benjamin: Sallu teh boy-kitteh of Meshullam, teh boy-kitteh of Hodaviah, teh boy-kitteh of Hassenuah,
8 and then, Ibneiah teh boy-kitteh of Jeroham, and Elah teh boy-kitteh of Uzzi, teh boy-kitteh of Michri, and Meshullam teh boy-kitteh of Shephatiah, teh boy-kitteh of Reuel, teh boy-kitteh of Ibnijah;
9 and der nine hundred fifty-six brudders an sisters, by what litter dey came from. All teh kittehs wuz teh leaders of der daddies packs.
10 Plus, of the preests: Jedaiah, and Jehoiarib, Jachin,
11 and then Azariah teh boy-kitteh of Hilkiah, teh boy-kitteh of Meshullam, teh boy-kitteh of Zadok, teh boy-kitteh of Meraioth, teh boy-kitteh of Ahitub, teh President of teh house of Ceiling Cat;
12 and then Adaiah teh boy-kitteh of Jeroham, teh boy-kitteh of Pashhur, teh boy-kitteh of Malchijah, and Maasai teh boy-kitteh of Adiel, teh boy-kitteh of Jahzerah, teh boy-kitteh of Meshullam, teh boy-kitteh of Meshillemith, teh boy-kitteh of Immer;
13 and then der one thousand seven hundred sixty brudders and sisters, teh leaders of der daddies packs; xtra good kittehs for doing Ceiling Cat biznis.
14 And then of teh Levites: Shemaiah teh boy-kitteh of Hasshub, teh boy-kitteh of Azrikam, teh boy-kitteh of Hashabiah, of teh boy-kittehs of Merari;
15 and then Bakbakkar, Heresh, and Galal, and then Mattaniah teh boy-kitteh of Mica, teh boy-kitteh of Zichri, teh boy-kitteh of Asaph,
16 and then Obadiah teh boy-kitteh of Shemaiah, teh boy-kitteh of Galal, teh boy-kitteh of Jeduthun, and Berechiah teh boy-kitteh of Asa, teh boy-kitteh of Elkanah, who lurked in teh cat farms of teh Netophathites.
17 And then teh ones who carried stuff: Shallum (who carried teh cheezburgers), and Akkub, and Talmon, and Ahiman, and their brudders an sisters,
18 and they hanged out on teh east side of teh big cat door, cuz dey carried stuffs for Levi's kittehs.
19 And then Shallum teh boy-kitteh of Kore, teh boy-kitteh of Ebiasaph, teh boy-kitteh of Korah, and his brudders an sisters, of his daddies house, teh Korahites, were in charge or bringing teh cheezburgers and stuff, an dey garded teh hole in teh sheets: and der daddies wuz in charge of who got to go under teh sheets in teh camp of Jehovah.
20 And teh other day, Phinehas teh boy-kitteh of Eleazar was teh awesumest, and Jehovah was his BFF.
21 Zechariah teh boy-kitteh of Meshelemiah bringded teh stuff for teh party.
22 There was tons of kittehs that had to bring stuff to teh party; somebody counted two hundred twelve. Dey got counted from teh papers, and David and Samuel teh psychic kitteh said it was okay for dem to bring stuff cuz dey were gud kittehs.
23 So dose kittehs and der little kittens were in charge of Jehovah's cat door, and even teh openings in teh tent fort.
24 And then teh Itty Bitteh Kitteh Committeh For Carrying Cheezburgers And Stuff had teh place surrounded.
25 And der brudders and sisters and mommies and daddies came to visit dem every week:
26 cuz teh four bestest kittehs on teh Committeh were Levites, and nobody suspected a thing and dey got to go in teh bedroom and in teh kitchen and teh pantry at Ceiling Cat's house.
27 And then dey scratched at teh windose of Ceiling Cat's house and sat on teh mat in front of teh cat door, cuz der job wuz to inspect teh kittehs and goggies dat go in and out evry day.
28 And then some of dem wuz in charge of teh cheezburger boxes; and kittehs watched teh cheezburger boxes go back and forth thru teh cat door.
29 And then some kittehs wuz in charge of teh scratching posts and teh kitteh beds, and some wuz in charge of all teh dishes for teh fuds, and teh milk and teh catnip and stuff.
30 And then some of teh boy-kittehs of teh preests maked buckets of catnip sauce.
31 And then teh Levite kitteh Mattithiah, who wuz Shallum teh Korahite's oldest kitteh, wuz in charge of stuff baked in pans, like meatloaf.
32 And then some of teh Kohathite kittehs wuz in charge of making teh cheezburger buns evry Caturday.
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