1 Chronicles 29

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Iz Gift Fur Bilding Templ

1 Den David sed to evrywun: "Mi sun Solomun, who Ceiling Cat chosed, iz yung an dont no much. Dis iz hard, cuz dis big bildin iz not for littl cats, it for Ceiling Cat.2 I has gived lots of stufz for Ceiling Catz tempul - goled, silvr, brunz, iron, wud, onyks, turqwoize, loadz of pretteh-colord stoans. Dere iz loadz of dis stufs!3 An newayz, I lieks tempul of Ceiling Cat so much dat I gives mah shiney treazurs, wich be moar dan anyfing els I has gived:4 tree fowzand goled monies an sevun fowzand silvr monies for makin da wallz luk nice,5 makin stuff from goled an silvr, an all da wurk da big strong bildrs duz. Now who wunt to be holey for Ceiling Cat ritenow?"

6 Den all teh importent peepz in Izrael gived lotz of stuf.7 Gived loadz n loadz of monies so tempul cud be bilt nice and big and shiney.8 Evrywun wiv precious gemz n sparkly fingz gived dem to Jeheel teh Gershoncat, who wuz clectin all teh monies for teh tempul.9 All teh otha peepz wuz liek "yaaaay" cuz thier leedahs wuz so nice an frendlee an jenrus. David wuz reel happy too.

David Can Haz Prayr

10 David bigd up Ceiling Cat in frunt of everywun. Him sed:

"U r awesum, Ceiling Cat,
Dood in charj of liek evryfing ever,
And livin basiklee forever an ever.

11 U iz reel strong, Ceiling Cat,

An ur fur an wiskaz an tail are reel pretteh
An u pwn everytin in sky an on grownd.
Everywun luvz u and sez ur graet.

12 Fankz for givin us evrytin we needz,

All our cheezburgerz, an toyz, an funtiemz,
Jus cuz u wuntz us to have happiez,
Basiklee ur just verreh verreh kool.

13 Dats why we iz bein so nice to u

An bildin this tempul for u,
k?"

14 (Dis still David talkin, he talks loadz n loadz.) "But how cumz shud we all can giv so jenruslee to dis big bildin? It all just Ceiling Cat's stuf an monies reely.15 We luk reel weerd to u, jus liek our daddiez an grandaddiez. Hear on urth it reely sux most of da tiem.16 Ceiling Cat, we maded u dis tempul on accownt of ur so kool, an now it be all urz.17 I knowz u tests da hart and lieks to see peeps bein honist. I gaved all mah fingz happilee, and I reely reely liekz how much everywun else gived too.18 Ceiling Cat, maek everywun carriez on likin u as much as dey duz now.19 An maek shure Solomun duz wut u sez and keepz on bildin dat tempul!"

20 Den David sed to everywun: "Tell Ceiling Cat how awesum he iz!" So dem all did.

All Kats Call Solomon Teh Topcat

21 After sleepin, da peepz maed ded a bunch of anmulz to maek Ceiling Cat happey: a fowzund hole ramz, lamz n bullz an a hole load of drinkz an other stufs.22 Den evrywun eated an drinked alot an wuz reel happies cuz Ceiling Cat wuz dere. Den dey all sed Solomun wuz da King now (even tho dey alreddy sedded dat befor). Dey blessd him wiv fancy-smellin perfum an also decided Zadok wud be hims preest.23 So Solomun sitted on da froan just liek hiz daddy did. Him did reely reely gud an evrywun did wut he sed.24 All da pleesmen an big strong guys an all of Davids kiddiez sed dey finked he wuz well kool.

25 Ceiling Cat agreed dat Solomun wuz kool and wuz moar nice to him dan ne other king of Izrael.

David Goez "Blargh" He Iz Ded

26 So neway now u kno all abowt David! Him wuz a gud King of Izrael.27 Him roold da hole countree for forteh yeers - sevn in Hebrun an firty-free in Jruslem.28 Him got ded wen him wuz reel old after a kool life of cheezburgerz, shiney devicez an luvlee fabrics. Solomun got to be King after himz, yay for Solomun!

29 Samuel, Nathan an Gad all rote abowt Davidz hilarius shenangans,30 and everyting dat went on wile him wuz rainin.

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1 Chronicles 29
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