1 Chronicles 28

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Old Testament
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Davidz plains fur teh tempul uv Ceiling Cat

1 So David gots teh Prinses an Captens and strong peepz unto Jerusallum.2 Then David stud up on his feetz and sed "Heer me, srsly, I wuz gonna build a howse for Ceiling Cat.3 But he sez to meh, "Yu can not buildz howse cos yu were a solja an yu haz killed stuffs"4 but I wuz liek watever cos Ceiling Cat made meh king of Israyel annywayz.5 An Ceiling Cat sed mai son Solomon waz to be teh king too.

6 An Ceiling Cat sed that Solomon can buildz howse instead and he waz Ceiling Catz son now. Srsly.7 An he waz to be teh king fo long timez."

8 Nao therefore in da sight ov all israel teh congregashun ov teh, an in da audience ov r Ceiling Cat, keep an seek fo all teh comnandmentz ov teh Ceiling Cat: dat yu can has posess dis gud land, an leef it fo an inhertiance fo yur kittenz aftr yu fo evr.9 An thou, Solomon mai son, also kitteh, knoe thou teh Ceiling Cat ovr thy fathr, an serve him wif perfik hart an wif willing mind: fo da Ceiling Cat searcheth all hearts, an understandeth all teh imaginashuns ov teh thoughts: if yu looks for him, him will be findz ov thee; but if thou forsaek him, him will be casten yu off for evrs.10 Taek hed nao; for da Ceiling Cat haf chosen thee too build an howse for da sanctuareh: Yu betteh bein strong, an be doin it. Srsly

11 Den David gaev he son Solomon teh plians forr teh phortiko of teh tempel, it biulding, it sterohooms, it upher part, it inor rhuoms and teh plaec of atehonement.12 He gaev he teh plians of of all taht teh HovrCat had put in he midn for teh chuorts of teh tempel of teh Ceiling Cat adn all teh shurruonding rhooms, for teh traesuries of teh tempel of Ceiling Cat and for the traesureis for teh dedhicated theings.13 Then David be gevun instriuctions foo Solomon to amry preihsts and Livethas, adn fo all whork sierving in tempul of Ceiling Cat. Him also guve articulz for seirving teh tempul adn it latice patarn.

14 An He desingateded wait of gowld fo alluva gowld articulz teh be bein usd for veryiuz kindz uv sierviz also wait of silveh fo alluva silveh articulz fo to be used in them kindz uv sierviz.15 An wait of gowld for gowld lampstadnz an lampz also teh silveh lampz nd shiz, accordehn to use ov them lampz.16 Also wait of gowld for consceratd bred (which he does not eatd) and17 for teh forkz coz da hummins not has eat wif paws nd for teh bowls. Also gowld kitteh dishez.18 An he gaev hm teh plians fo teh gowld kitteh box fo too carry teh inshtructionz ov Ceiling Cat hiself.

19 Den David seyz "Ah can has alluv dis on writtn dwon frm teh paw of Ceiling Cat and HovrCat has been giev me brain of plains, also Cheezburger".

20 David spek too him kitteh Solomon "Yu does not be scard coz for Ceiling Cat is bein wif yu an he not leavin yu till alluva wrk in tempul of Ceiling Cat is have beeing finishd21 Also teh otha cats is doin what yu seyz kthxbai"

1 Chronicles 28
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