1 Chronicles 23

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Old Testament

Teh Levites Fambly

1 So, k, David gots reely reely olds n stuff. Liek SRSLY old, so fynlee he maded Solomon teh king uv Izyrail.

2 An he put all his doodz n preests n Levites togethr and counted dem cuz hey, it were fun two count bak then.3 An he wuz all like “U gotz twoB thirtee hooman years! nOObs, GTFO!!” An dey did, An he still haz liek thirteeate thousand doodz left.4 So David sed, “U guise on teh left sied, ur gunna werk for Ceiling Cat and maek His house evenshully. Teh guise in teh middel, ur gunna b officOrz an watch dem so dey maeks it rite!5 U guise on teh rite, soem ur gunna stare at teh doors An maek shur no mouses gets n. Teh rest of u taek dees musics An ROXORS!!!!!”

6 David maded sure his Levite dOOdz wuz in tree groups, Gershon n Kohath n Merari.


7 Laadan n Shimei wuz Gershonites.8 Laadan had tree kittehs. Dey was Jehiel n Zetham n Joel.9 Shimei had tree kittehs. Dey was Shelomith n Haziel n Haran, An dey wuz all cheefs of teh fambly.10 Shimei had moar kittehs. Jahath n Zina n Jeush n Beriah.11 Jahath wuz furst An Zizah wuz secund. But Jeush n Beriah did not haz many kittehs so dey wuz both three ... maths r dumb that wai.


12 Kohaths foar kittehs wuz Amram n Izhar n Hebron n Uzziel.13 Amrams kittehs wuz Aaron n Moses An dey wuz speshul membr? Dey gotz to do teh holy stuffs allatime, an ofur cheezburgrz befoar teh Ceiling Cat, forEVAR.14 Ceiling Cat An dem wuz BFF always. Pretty kool fambly huh?15 So Mosesz kittehs wuz Gershom n Eliezer.16 Gershoms kitteh wuz Shebuel.17 An Eliezers kitteh wuz Rehabiah. Eliezer had no moar kittehs, but Rehabiah had LOTS so no worriez.18 Izhars furst kitteh wuz Shelomith.19 Hebrons foar kittehs wuz Jeriah n Amariah n Jahaziel n Jekameam.20 Uzziels two kittehs wuz Micah n Isshiah


21 Meraris kittehs wuz Mahli n Mushi. Mahlis kittehs wuz Eleazar n Kish.22 But Eleazar onlee had gurlz and den he crossed teh rainbow bridge to Ceiling Cat, but Kishz kittehs loveded teh gurlz so Kish wuz theyr forevar home, how nice!23 Mushis kittehs wuz Mahli n Eder n Jeremoth.

24 Iz dat alla dem? OMG dats allota Levites! An David was all liek, “Iz sry nOObs, u onlee gotsta haz twentee hooman yrs, not thirtee so coem bak plzkthx!” So I gess der wuz even MOAR ppl!25 So David sed, “Ceiling Cat haz gives us dis bit of floor foar always,26 so my Levite dOOdz doez not needs ta moov Ceiling Cats base nemoar.”27 An after he seds dis he counted hiz dOOdz again, jus foar fun! but dis time wif dose twentee yrs old ppl too.

28 Alla dees Levites wuz supoesd to halp Aaron n his kittehs werk for Ceiling Cat An kleen Celing Cats base n stuff.29 Dey wuz in charj of teh shewbread, w/e dat is, An teh cheezburgrs! An teh caeks! An teh french fryz of all shapes n sizez!30 Evry morning dey hadzta sing for Ceiling Cat, An at nite,31 An when dey gif cheezburgr to Ceiling Cat, An on Caturday, An when teh moon is blak, An when der wuz partees. SRSLY! Dats lots uv singin!!

32 So dees Levites took care of alla holy stuffs and halped Aaron n his kittehs, all to maek Ceiling Cat happy n kleen his base.

1 Chronicles 23
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