1 Chronicles 20

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Old Testament
Wen Rabbah got taked

1 In teh spring, wen CatLords goes to wars, Joab goed owt wif his army. He totally killed teh land ov teh Ammonites, an den him goed to Rabbah, an attacked it, an den Rabbah wuz ded. Srsly.2 Den David taked teh crown frum der kin, an it wuz liek 75 pownds, wif lots ov jools, an David puted teh crown on hiz hed. Den he taked a bunch ov cheezburgrs3 an gots teh kittehs an maked dem werk fr him, an he did teh saem fing to all dem uddr towns der. Den he goed home wif hiz army.

War wif teh Philistines

4 So den, der wuz dis war wif teh Philistines, at Gezer. Der, Sibbecai teh Hushathite pwnzored dis n00b Sippai, hoo wuz frum teh Rephaites, an teh Philistines wuz, liek, subjugaeted.

5 Den in dis uddr battel wif teh Philistines, Elhanan, teh sun ov Jair, totaly ownd dis kitteh Lahmi, teh bruddr ov Goliath teh Gittite, hoo'z claw wuz liek totaly hooj.

6 An den in dis uddr battel, at Gath, der wuz dis hoooooj kitteh wif liek 12 FINGRS AN TOES!! WTF! Him wuz also frum teh Rapha peeps.7 But wen him wuz tauntin Israel, dis d00d Jonathan, teh sun ov Shimea, hoo wuz teh bruddr ov David, wuz liek, "Yu iz not gud, so Iz kills yu." So den he wuz ded.

8 So doz kittehs wer all teh peeps frum Rapha, an dey all got pwnzord bai David an hiz peeps at Gath.

1 Chronicles 20
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