1 Chronicles 14

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Old Testament

David Cat's House and Family

1 Nows Hiram king of Tires IMded David, also wit scratching posts, rock stackers and woodzmakers to make himz a cardboard box.2 And David knew dat Celing Cat had madz him 15lbd Cat in 5lbs box over da Jewz and thatz hiz kingdom had been Cheezburgrzed for the sake of his Jewz.3 In Drewsalem David took more places for hairballs and made smore kittens.4 Hiz Kittenzs was named: Shammua, Shobab, Nathan, Solomon,5 Ibhar, Elishua, Elpelet,6 Nogah, Nepheg, Japhia,7 Elishama, Beeliada [a] and Eliphelet.

David Cat Defeats the Philistines

8 Dumb dogz heard that David had been made head cat of the Jewz, they were not amused, They wants make Trap, but David heardz bout dat and went to your yard to start a gang.9 Now the Supit Dowgz raided the Valley of Rephaim;10 So David axt Celing Cat: "Shall I Make traps for da dawgs? Will you helps me trap dowgs?" Celing Cat sayz, "Go, I gives you Trapz."11 So David and Monorail Cat and Hover Cat and Door Cat wentz up to Baal Perazim, and there day made trapz and trapzed the Dawgz. He said, "As I makes peepee, Celing Cat has pwned my enemies wit me pawz." So dat place was called Baal Perazim. [b]12 The Stupid Dawgs had abandoned their gods there, so David say Use lazrs and cast fireballz at dem.13 Ugg Stupid Dawgs attak again;14 so David say "hey Celing Cat wtf?, and Celing Cat say, "Do not attack str8 on like Banzi Cat , but make circles round and they will be like unspecting cat and will suspect nothing.15 Soon as you hearz paws, makes traps, because that meanz Celing Cat Was in you valleyz with BFG shootn' at your Dawgz."16 David cat does as Celing Cat says, an day pwned the noob dawgs army, all the way from Gibeon to Gezer.17 So David cat gots big ups, and the Celing Cat blowd up his spots all over da place.

1 Chronicles 14
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