1 Chronicles 12

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Old Testament
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1 These wuz the men who caem to David at Ziklag, wiel he wuz banishd by Saul son of Kish (they can haz assistens in battul

2 they wuz armed wif bows and cud shot arrows an other wepuns; they wuz kinzmen of Saul frum the trieb of Benjamin):

8 Sum Gadites joind David at hiz desert fortrus. Dey waz lieks to fite wiv soards. Deyr faces waz liek lions and dey ran fast liek lions.

9 Ezer wuz chief, Obadiah second in command, Eliab third

10 Mishmannah wuz fourth, Jeremiah wuz fifth,

11 Attai wuz sixth, Eliel wuz seventh,

12 Johanan wuz eighth, Elzabad wuz ninth,

13 Jeremiah wuz tenth an Macbannai wuz eleventh. Srsly.

14 Deez Gaditez were commanderz; they totally pwned, the least pwned a hundred, the greatest pwned a thousand. Srsly.

15 It wuz they who crossed the Jordan, and said to the peepul in the valleyz, "no u can't haz Jordan."

16 There wuz other Benjaminitez and soem men from Judah who also caem to David in hiz stronghold.

17 And teh David goed out to sayed 'Ohai!!1" and stufz and sayed if u mens came nice to help me and u can has choice of mah cookies or bukkit; but if u bad mens, Ceiling Cat luks n sezz go wai!

18 And hen spirit come to Asamai and he sayz we like u David. Ur daddy name is Jesse. srsly. Piece dood! And then David giveded them cookies. And bukkit. Donut forget bukkit.

19 And then some mens frum Manasseh falled to David when David bringed Filisteens to battul Saul. Bastards said no can has help. Lord of Filistines sayz they will fallded to Saul.

20 And he went to Ziklag (I swear. No made up that name) and there falleded lots of guys wit funny namez who was captains of the mens Manasseh.

21 They haz helpd David agenst raiding bandz, cuz all of themz were braev warriorz and srsly pwned. Rly.

22 The menz caem to help David, until hiz army big an srsly pwnz. Srsly, like Ceiling Cat's army.

24 menz of Judah, they can haz shield n spear- 6,800 armed for battle;

39 The men wuz drinkin wif David for three dayz, an havin cheezburgerz, their familiez made foodz but didn't eated dem.

1 Chronicles 12
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